Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
