can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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