i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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