dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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