I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
