and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
