i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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