We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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