I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
