i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
