I hate all girls vehemently.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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