just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
