I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
