two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
