You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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