There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
