my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
