Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
