why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We need to get me chipped asap
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
