You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
