Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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