She said her name was "party"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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