So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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