Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
