You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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