there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
