I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
