I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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