I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
