I just pynch a tree in the face
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
