I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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