You smell like a Billy Joel song
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize