would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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