I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
