Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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