i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
