I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
