imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
