dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
