you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When are your genitals available?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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