You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
