i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize