it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
