Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
