who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
