it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
