It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
