u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
