Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
