Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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