her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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