totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
