Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
