He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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