god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
