you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
