Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
