if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
