you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
