I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize