my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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