i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
