Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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