I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
