a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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