go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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