dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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