I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
