it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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