I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
