No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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