More tranny stories later!
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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