You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
