HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize