I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
