i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
