My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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