it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
