Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
