I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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