I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's always time for handjobs
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize
