Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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