in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
someone owes me an orgasm
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
