you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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