Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
