Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize