when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
