i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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