I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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