I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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