Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
