thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
