His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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