Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I AM VODKA MAN
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
