Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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