We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
