The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
