also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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