how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize