Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
