I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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