Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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