Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
