He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
