How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
