wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
