why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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