Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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