I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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