just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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