Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
