Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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