I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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