I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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