We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can I color on your dick again?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
