How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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