It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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