i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
